Poindexter Farfeghnugen, Hell's Matchmaker
Today could be your lucky day!!!
Will you meet your soul mate?
Let Poindexter negotiate a match from Hell for you!
 |
It's all Pink on the Inside! Hi! My friends call me Pinky! I'm vivacious, perky and people say I stand out in a crowd. I'm 26, single and studying to be a cosmetologist at the Barbizon School of Modeling and Fashion Design. In my spare time I enjoy making my own sausage. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to pack meat into a casing many times too small to hold it all. I'm looking for a man who likes to take his woman out and show her off. Your friends are going to love me, I really steal the show at parties. I'm very adventurous when it comes to sex, once I even did it with the lights on! Of course, afterwards when I fell asleep, my date chewed his arm off and left it in the bed underneath me and disappeared. If you want to do it with the lights on, you'll have to wear a muzzle. Getting spanked with a hairbrush really turns me on! No need to bring your own beer goggles, I'll let you borrow mine! Email Pinky@strainingsatin.com and let's make a date! |
 |
Just Popping in to say Hello! Handsome, virile type ISO bubbly dermatology student for fun and romance. Likes: Slim Jims, Tractor Pulls and popping my facial boils and measuring how far they squirt. Once, I got one that blew chunks over 7 feet and splattered all over the TV screen! I'm thinking of opening my own home-based business and selling the pus from my face to perverted freaks on the internet. I'm going to be a millionaire soon, baby! My mother tells me that my face would clear up if I quit eating greasy foods and wash it once in a while, but why would I want to do that? Contact PhillipThePusFace@dirtydorks.com |
 |
Loves Kids! Fun loving, unconventional type looking for desperate single mom with small children. I love kids. Really! In fact, I'd love nothing better than to bring them along on all our dates! My perfect day would start with a walk through the park, where we spend the morning at the playground helping little kids on and off the play equipment. The park would be followed by lunch at Chuck-E-Cheese where I'll buy tons of tokens to share with all my best young friends. After lunch, we'll swing by the little league park and check to make sure all the kids are wearing their cup. Next, we'll take a drive and ask any kids we see if they'll help us find a lost puppy. In the evening, we'll go to a Tiny Li'l Miss Pagent and cheer for our favorite! Email Chester@molestor.com and be sure to send a photo of your kids along with your introduction. |
 |
Sensitive, Caring Man Seeks Red Hot Tail Beep, Beep! Jeff's my name and I love trucks! Big, sleek and powerful, trucks really make me hot! I'm currently searching for long-term relationship with red Chevy, silver Dodge or black Ford. No mid-size or foreign models, please. I like 'em big and buxom! I'm growing weary of empty relationships with trucks in mall parking lots and long-term airport parking and long for a truck of my very own. If pasty white flesh and red, lace-trimmed lingerie make your motor rev, contact Jeff@mixingfetishes.com |
 |
Master of All He Surveys Big Daddy Al knows what you ladies want! Portly, bombastic, professional shit stirrer has experience as advisor and spokesman for women. If you find yourself naked, covered in shit and decorated with racial epithets and suspect you may have been raped by George Bush, John Kerry and Ralph Nader, contact me right away. Let me speak for you! If you haven't been raped and all that jazz but would like to *pretend* you have, contact me immediately! Call 1-666-VOTE-4-AL and give me some of the attention I crave! |
 |
Simply Adorable! I'm the one who makes your heart go pitter-pat! Cupid is an adult baby who enjoys diapers, fairy wings and dressy red footed-jammies with little hearts. I'm very naughty and I use my Junior Indian Chief bow & arrow set to shoot unsuspecting people in the ass every year on February 14th. I've been a baaaaaaaaaaaaad boy, mommie! I need to be punished! Spank me! Spank me hard! Yes, mommie, that's the way! Ut-oh, I think I just made a doodie. Do you have powder and Desitin? My bottom is so very red and sore. If you'd like to fall in love this Valentine's Day, write to Cupid@stupid.com. It's no coincidence that it rhymes. *wink* |
 | My Free Speech Trumps Yours! Organization of Know-it-Alls searching for displays of Christianity to wreck. Are you a small town with a Christmas tree in your town square? A public school presenting a holiday concert featuring Christian songs, as well as Kwanzaa and Hanukkah songs? Do you *gasp* pay for Christmas presents with money that says "In God We Trust"? Well, we have decided you can't do any of that! We insist that all Christians become practicing agnostics. How DARE you try to foist your religion on the rest of us! We will tell you what you can practice and we insist on agnosticism. Don't even try worshipping God in the secrecy of your basement. We're watching you! |
 | Hark! Do You Hear What I Hear? Three intellectual Mensa members ISO angel named "Harold". The little shepherd boy told us he was looking for us. We think perhaps he's been smoking crack or has caught sheep clap because he keeps babbling about stars with tails and a naked baby in the feed trough in the barn and doesn't seem to be in his right mind. We think he's just trying to cheat us out of our gold, smoke our frankencense and snort our myrrh. What's wrong with kids these days anyhow? If your name is Harold, contact wisemen@yahoo.com |
 | How! That's Native American for "hello, ladies!" Strapping, young Indian buck ISO plump mounds that smell like decaying fish. My hobbies are organic agriculture, hunting, fishing and making fun of pale face Miles Standish in my own language. That dolt has no idea how much I despise him, and fortunately he doesn't speak a word of "savage gibberish"! I'm formally educated and speak better English than most trailer park residents. I'm a designer on the "Trading Spaces" television show, where I show homeowners how to grow Indian corn and cure wild game in their neighbor's family room. Let Squanto show you how it's done! |
 |
Dork At Large Hello, ladies! I'm Geraldo, and I'm currently at large. I'm somewhere in Iraq committing treason and broadcasting secret military strategies. I don't simply REPORT the news like those other wimpy journalists riding along with the U.S. military, I AM THE NEWS! That's right, it's all about me, me, ME! If you'd like to tag along and help carry my enormous ego through the desert sands while I personally hunt down both Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden, I'll draw you a map in the sand which shows my current location, past location, and planned future locations. I'm currently in disguise wearing one of those fake eyeglass/nose/mustache combinations they give away at cheap carnivals to avoid being booted out of Iraq on my ass by the U.S. military for a second time. Help! This mask is STUCK! When I pull on it, it feels just like my real nose and mustache! This can't be my REAL face, can it? |
 |
Helpful, Caring, Great Guy! It looks like you're searching for a date. What would you like to do?
|
 | I've got your number! Stereotypical example of friendly, female customer service representative is here to serve you. If you like paying your telephone bill online at the slowest website ever designed, we are destined to meet! I will entertain you for hours with my smiling face and my outstretched hands, as if saying "We're in this together", while you wait for the phone company's antique, monkey-driven server to process your payment. Afterwards, I will offer you the fastest internet service available. Who would believe that the phone monopoly has the fastest internet service available after spending 30 minutes making a fast, easy, online payment with them? If you believe, log onto HellSouth.com today! *wink* *grin* |
 | I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty today! Red hot lingere model ISO Snack Cake Delivery man. If you have unlimited access to truckloads of Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Ho-Ho's and Devil Dogs we should meet! I have spent years in the snack cake aisle of my local supermarket waiting for my dream man to arrive. Possible dates include: Dumpster diving behind the Hostess Bakery, disposal of unsold "stale" snack cakes from your delivery truck and licking the creme filling from between my toes. If you are looking for rolls of white, pasty flesh encased in black lace lingere, contact Little Debbie via this website. Looks, personality and income not important. Access to snack cakes is vital. Little Debbie has a snack for you! |
 | Hypnotic Attraction Plus-sized, hirsute hypnotist searching for soul mate. Have you ever heard that eyes are the gateway to the soul? Don't say no to this ad until you give me a chance to hypnotize you into being my willing love slave. Let's meet in person for dinner or cocktails. You will be mesmerized instantly when I begin rolling my eyes up into my head and speaking in tongues. I bet you just can't wait to get me out of that restaurant and off to somewhere a little more private! My hobbies include drooling, sweating, grunting and farting. My perfect man has an IQ between 60-80, bathes infrequently, is allergic to shampoo and speaks with a speech impediment. Elementary School Janitor type preferred. Let's get together and pollute the gene pool with our offspring! |
 | Beauty Queen "Miss Truckstop" I've just been crowned Miss Truckstop 2002! Dreams do come true! The only thing I'm missing is that special someone to share my joy with. Currently touring truck stops from coast to coast on year-long publicity tour. I will be coming to your town soon! You'll see why I was voted Miss Congeniality and Miss Lingerie in addition to my Miss Truckstop title. This picture is from the portfolio that made me Miss Lingerie. Whoa! Down boy! *tee hee* I enjoy big, out of date hairstyles, hot wax, singing baritone and having my picture taken at the Sears Portrait Studio. My prince charming enjoys NASCAR, pocket t-shirts, cheap beer and romantic evenings curled up in front a blazing microwave oven loaded with TV dinners. If you're looking for a strong, solid woman with a backside that can stop a truck, write to Miss Truckstop today at MissTruckstop@yahoo.com and perhaps we can get together when I'm in town. |
 |
Rub my Bottle and I'm Yours Forever! Scrupulously clean, gay, bodybuilder daddy/master type ISO dirty little men for discrete sexual encounters. Likes: Bondage, S&M, mops, buckets and disinfectant. Dislikes: Dirt, laziness, odors and germs. My dream date: I come to your trailer dressed in skin-tight white clothing. You open the door and invite me in. Your trailer is FILTHY! After we mop the floor and disinfect the appliances, we get it on right in the middle of the kitchen floor. You, me, a mop, mmmmmmm, baby, can you smell that Mountain Fresh scent? I have a 23 inch fist... can you handle me? Ask for a date with Mr. Clean, you slovenly animal! |
 |
Ahoy, Mateys! Are the stars out tonight? I don't know if it's cloudy or bright... Oh look, it's another full moon! Tiny little boat captain into scat and golden showers is searching for the giant ass of his dreams. If you are full of shit, let me sail into your toilet bowl today! The Tidy Bowl Man needs a partner who enjoys the spicier side of life and likes to experiment with corn and peanuts in their sexual play. Small bladder or weak kidneys a plus! No excessive hair or butt pimples, please, I have very discriminating tastes! |
 |
Chippendale's Dancer Hello ladies! I'm Trevor, the man of your cyber dreams! Me: 27 year old Chippendale's dancer with a hot, toned body, perfectly shaped ass, 12 inch endowment and the chisled face of a male model. I also model for men's underwear ads, I'm sure you've seen my pictures in many magazines. I'm independently wealthy, unattached, drive a Porche and live in a mansion. Women are constantly throwing themselves at my feet. I'm searching for someone who will give me a few minutes of hot and nasty cyber sex in a Yahoo chat room. If you're a beautiful blonde model or stripper with large breasts and are under age 25, let's get together! My only weakness is not knowing very much about computers. Here's a picture of me modeling a Jockey thong from my latest ad. *Crossing my fingers that I uploaded the right fake photo this time and not my real picture* |
